Sorry for being melodramatic

That’s so not me.  I swear.  That last post didn’t make any sense, I apologize.  I haven’t felt so low in a very long time.  I thought about cutting myself…only for a split second.  I’m not putting myself there again.  It’s just that when the people I love and care about tell me things so straight and blunt, I can’t take it.  I feel ashamed and embarrassed.  I hate getting into trouble.  I hate when people lose respect in me.  I guess I don’t take negative criticism very well.

I know I say I want things to be different in my life, but I also I know I haven’t done anything about it.  Maybe it’s that time.  It’s one of those few times that Pandora comes in and makes me feel a little better.  I put it on and it automatically plays music that says how I feel and makes me feel better.

It makes me feel that whatever it is that I’m feeling…I’m not the only one.

Shutting Down

I’m on the verge of shutting down and giving up on life. The people who mean most to me want to help me or have tried helping me, but I’m not doing anything about it. I’m taking everything for granted, but I don’t know how to motivate myself to become better. I find myself angry and mad all the time now. I find little to nothing to get me out of this rut. I can try and try, but no to avail. I know this doesn’t make any kind of sense. But, I just can feel myself shutting down and I’m scared it’s going to become not caring anymore. I have officially become a waste of space. Way to go me.