Tag Archives: frustrations

So much time

This is going to sound weird, but I have a lot of time on my hands at my new job. It’s crazy isn’t it? I don’t know what quite to do with all this free time. I find that after I finish my to-do list; I spend most of my time reading the news and actually discovering new news sites to read: mainly slate and the daily beast. Sometimes, I revel in working the desk because I actually do stuff. However, today at the desk tried my patience real hard. I blame most of it on being grumpy hungry or hangry. I truly wonder what my colleagues are doing at their desk. Some of them are in charge of time consuming tasks and I sometimes envy that. The most time consuming thing I had to do was to create a new manual and that in itself was not very difficult. All I had to do was copy and paste some words and create handouts which also did not take me very long. I imagine once I am more involved in programming or once I overcome my anxiety of it, I’ll be more likely to be busy? I certainly hope so.

It makes wonder if I should take part in other committees to use up my time. I try teaching myself things, but what’s the point if I’m not going to use them? I am hoping this is not me being disenchanted with my new line of work already. I find that I am trying to challenge myself, but some days I am just not that into it. I want to help people, but it just seems like I am just sitting in my cubicle trying to fill my time with useful things to do.

Hopefully, it’ll get better.

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Quote me Sundays…or Tuesday

Don’t let your mood dictate your manners.

-Unknown

I had a paper due on Sunday and completely forgot about Quote me Sunday. I had a slight meltdown at work, and I unfortunately allowed my emotions to take over; I basically acted like a Bee Eye Tee Cee H. So, this week, this quote will be my mantra.

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Do Mothers Know Best?

Sometimes, I think not.  My mother is an uptight borderline crazy old Asian lady.  She calls me today to ask how I’m feeling and blah blah blah.  How’s work?  How’s school?  How’s Dave?  The usual.  However, she “suspects” something’s wrong with me.  Because she is my mother she knows how to push my mothers and gets me upset.  She says I’m depressed.  I need help.  You haven’t been the same person the last couple weeks.  Mind you, she only saw me once the last couple weeks.  And, she said I was acting bitchy and not happy…I was at temple…I didn’t want to be there…so of course I was acting pissy.  (But, no one else notices my bitchiness and pissyness because I’m not telling anyone how I’m feeling.  I bet Dave doesn’t think I’m depressed and I live with the man!)  Blah blah blah.  Here’s my thought:

I am suffering from extreme PMS.  The most intense extreme PMS I have ever felt in my life.  It will pass.  I don’t want to be like my mother who runs to pills when she feels she’s out of whack.  That’s that.  It’s not like I’m going to commit suicide.  Because I’m not.

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The UMP and puppy woes

The SO and I filled the census yesterday and he would now like to be called the unmarried partner, aka the UMP. So, future posts will have the SO as the UMP.

Onto other news, the UMP and I adopted a puppy a month ago. Her name is Lilah and she is a black lab mix. It’s been a roller coaster of ups and downs, what have I gotten myself into, and I never want to have kids. The UMP’s dad was staying with us for a week and left this morning. So, of course on his last night with us, I lost it with the dog. I completely lost my cool and calmness with what the dog did.

Here’s the scene: The UMP’s dad and I were watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I turn slightly to see the dog jump on the chair. Then, I see her pop a squat and start peeing on the chair. I literally saw red. I immediately starting yelling. I yelled, “What were you thinking? What possessed you to do this? You know better than this! Lilah, how could you?! Why did you do this? Do you hate me? I can’t even look at you! I can’t even look at you. Don’t touch me! You just wait until the UMP gets home!” I also said some other things not appropriate for the internet. It’s bad enough I yelled at this poor dog, who looked very guilty if I do say so myself; but I yelled at her for 10 minutes in front of the UMP’s dad. I’m sure he’s going to use this episode to tell some interesting tales when he gets back to Argentina.

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Had a mini melt down

I don’t know what’s going on with me lately. On Wednesday, I was at work, nothing much going on. You know, doing my thing. I had a 20 top wait a while for their table. A couple of ladies were taking their time. One person from said 20 top walks over to them and tells them to hurry up because they were waiting a long time. I got little scolded at. I wanted to go home to vent to the SO, he wasn’t there. I got a little upset which then snowballed to super crying upset. Then the conversation moved onto what am I do with my life, etc. Told him my mom wanted to buy a house in Orlando and I would move to get a job there. He thinks it’s silly because why would I move if I haven’t even gotten one interview (point well made). I blame my craziness and crying to a change of birth control. Hopefully, my body will get used to it…SOON. So, to make myself feel better, I baked.

I baked these cinnamon rolls. I made cinnamon rolls before, but they were a lot of work (because of the yeast) and they weren’t even that good. So, when I came across a different set of rolls via tastespotting, I knew I had to try them. And, they were delicious and they didn’t even have cream cheese frosting, which I’m not a huge fan. Sorry, I didn’t take pictures. I can’t seem to find my camera. Maybe I’ll save up and get a new one! OoO. I’ll look out for it on Black Friday.

Cinnamon Rolls by Craving Chronicles
Ingredients
DOUGH
2 cups 2% milk (I didn’t have 2% milk, the SO bought fat free…EW. I put in 1 3/4 cups of fat free milk and 1/4 cup of heavy cream)
½ cup granulated sugar
½ cup canola oil (I used vegetable oil)
1 package (2 1/4 Teaspoons) active dry yeast
4 cups + ½ cup flour, divided
1½ teaspoons salt
½ teaspoon (scant) baking soda
½ teaspoon (heaping) baking powder
Cooking spray

FILLING
1½ cups (3 sticks) butter, softened
1 cup brown sugar
4 tablespoons ground cinnamon
raisins (optional)
nuts (I used crushed pecans for one batch)
long strand of unflavored waxed dental floss (NOT mint)

ICING
3 cups of powdered sugar
4 tablespoons butter, softened
8-10 teaspoons of milk
2 teaspoon of vanilla

Directions
Make ahead: Combine milk, 1/2 cup sugar and oil in a large pot over medium heat. Heat, stirring to dissolve sugar, until just before boiling. Remove from heat and set aside to cool for about an hour or until lukewarm (between 105° – 115°F; use a thermometer to check). Sprinkle the yeast into the warm milk mixture and allow to sit for a few minutes. Add 4 cups of flour and stir together until a sticky dough forms. Cover loosely with a kitchen towel and let rise somewhere warm for about an hour. In a small bowl, whisk together remaining ½ cup of flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Add to dough and combine thoroughly to form an elastic dough. Spray the inside of a large bowl with cooking spray. Put dough in the bowl, cover tightly, and store in the refrigerator overnight, or up to a day.

Assembly: Spray a 9-inch round cake pan with cooking spray. Generously flour a clean, dry surface. Place half the dough on the floured surface and using a rolling pin, roll out into a large rectangle. Gently spread ¾ cup of softened butter over the dough with a butter knife. Sprinkle 2 tablespoons of cinnamon and 1/2 cup of brown sugar over the buttered dough. Add any raisins, nuts or other fillings.

Starting on the longer side of the rectangle, roll dough in a tight spiral toward the other end and pinch the seam shut. Slide a strand of dental floss under the rolled dough 1-1½ inches from the end. Cross the ends of the floss over the top of the roll and pull in opposite directions, slicing off a section of dough. Repeat with the rest of the dough, placing buns in the prepared pan. You will have space between the buns.

Repeat with the second half of the dough. (If you only want to make one batch of buns, you can tightly wrap and freeze the other half at this point. In that case, use half the amount of the ingredients for the glaze.)

Set aside to rise for 30-45 minutes. Bake in 350°F oven for 15-18 minutes, or until lightly browned on top.

To make the glaze, combine powdered sugar, butter, 6 teaspoons of milk and vanilla in a small bowl. Continue adding milk one teaspoon at a time until you get a thick frosting. (It will thin when spread on the warm buns.)

It was great! The SO took it to work and everyone gobbled it up. This is definitely the go-to recipe for cinnamon rolls. And, I loved how she gave suggestions for freezing the batch. Some recipes don’t give you that options and just stuck with too many baked goods.

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Relevations

It was my birthday last Monday. When a birthday comes around, it is a time of reflection. How has this year different from last year? Have I made any personal achievements? Have I bettered myself in any way. I think it is on the “no” side. I am where I was last year, financially, well, maybe worse because now I have car payments. The SO and I are better I suppose. We’re still together and that is more than I can say for most people I know. We love each other and every year, it just deepens.

For my birthday, we went to eat at Dragonfly. It was delicious, scrumptious, and all those synonyms for tasty. Then we went to see Avenue Q. It was great! I think the SO liked it a little but more than I did. It is basically Sesame Street for adults. We came home and had my favorite ice cream cake. At the restaurant, one the servers made me a birthday cake! It was a surprise and everyone came out and sang happy birthday. I have to confess, I got a little teary eyed. I felt special.

I did go to the Women’s Career Expo on Friday. It was tailored to older women, more like displaced homemakers. I did take advantage of the resume critique and mock interview. Hopefully, this will help me land that hard-to-find grown up job. I keep on trying to be optimistic, but it is difficult in these financial times.

Next week, I have four days off in a row. There is going to be a lot of baking. Sugar cookies are on the list. I don’t know what else I should make.

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Hi Hi

It’s been awhile. I always say that. I hope I never say it again and keep up with the blog. So, what’s new? I applied for the UPF internship again. Again, I did not get it. I took the GRE. I bombed it. At first, I was really upset. I was upset because I thought doing well on the GRE would show me the way, the way to a new life. Alas, I picked the wrong thing to show me the way again. I thought it would prove to myself that I can make it through grad school. The tears that I cried for the GRE did not represent the failing of it, but everything else that failed. The failing of the internship, the failing of being able to find another job, the failing of not have a good enough reason to get out of or stay in Gainesville. The tears that I cried were tears of failure. Failings of everything that I have tried or done.

I made apple pie. I burnt the crust.
Sorry, it’s not much of an update. I’ll try again another day.

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