A new journal starts with a new chapter in my life. I am making a HUGE commitment by moving in with my SO. I am a little nervous. I’ve been portraying my anxiousness by picking petty little fights…so it seems. But, to me it’s not! I don’t like it when he gets so drunk I can’t have a coherent conversation with him. I hate it when he stays up until 4 am playing beer pong. He gets mad when I don’t want to have sex with him, but when I want to have sex and he doesn’t want/unable to, I am not entitled to get mad. And, what about me not getting an orgasm at the end of a sex session that lasts about 10 minutes. How am I supposed to look happy if I don’t get off? Did anyone hear anything about someone being happy about not getting off? I don’t mind not getting off a few times, but it seems like I get off once a month after a 3x a week sex sessions. I guess the point of the matter is that I am frustrated and I don’t know how to tell him I am unsatisfied without making him feel bad. And, if something doesn’t change soon, I am going to go crazy!
I shouldn’t complain though. He’s a great guy. He’s sweet and considerate. I keep on trying to think of all the great qualities he has, but it just seems harder and harder for me to think about how great he is and how easy it is to dwell on the bad things. It’s my weakness and pettiness getting the best of me. I know I am better than this. I am. I tell you people I am a better person than what I sound like right now. It may not seem so. I may seem like a nymph who can’t get off, but I can. It’s just hard right now. And, let’s not get started on the other fucked up – OK, not so much fucked up, but really difficult, I have to motivate myself to accomplish things I have to do. That’s another day, another entry.