Guess who’s procrastinating?

Me! :raises hand: I don’t want to start packing. I’ve finally realized that I am not a fan of packing clothes. I have to find all these clothes and I always over pack. I like having options and if I can pack these options then I will. I always pack more underwear than needed for sure. Why? Because what if something happens and I need more underwear? Having not enough underwear is not going to leave me in a lurch. The SO and I are going to Atlanta for the SEC championship. Tebow’s last SEC game against Alabama. It’s bittersweet. There is a 70% chance of snow. SNOW! I can’t believe it. And, of course the day that we’re going to be out all day and night is the coldest of the weekend! :Sad face:
What else am I procrastinating in? GRE studying. Alas, I hate it. I wish it could be easier. I also wish I could continue on in my rant, but I have to go to friend’s house to get some winter clothes!

Had a mini melt down

I don’t know what’s going on with me lately. On Wednesday, I was at work, nothing much going on. You know, doing my thing. I had a 20 top wait a while for their table. A couple of ladies were taking their time. One person from said 20 top walks over to them and tells them to hurry up because they were waiting a long time. I got little scolded at. I wanted to go home to vent to the SO, he wasn’t there. I got a little upset which then snowballed to super crying upset. Then the conversation moved onto what am I do with my life, etc. Told him my mom wanted to buy a house in Orlando and I would move to get a job there. He thinks it’s silly because why would I move if I haven’t even gotten one interview (point well made). I blame my craziness and crying to a change of birth control. Hopefully, my body will get used to it…SOON. So, to make myself feel better, I baked.

I baked these cinnamon rolls. I made cinnamon rolls before, but they were a lot of work (because of the yeast) and they weren’t even that good. So, when I came across a different set of rolls via tastespotting, I knew I had to try them. And, they were delicious and they didn’t even have cream cheese frosting, which I’m not a huge fan. Sorry, I didn’t take pictures. I can’t seem to find my camera. Maybe I’ll save up and get a new one! OoO. I’ll look out for it on Black Friday.

Cinnamon Rolls by Craving Chronicles
Ingredients
DOUGH
2 cups 2% milk (I didn’t have 2% milk, the SO bought fat free…EW. I put in 1 3/4 cups of fat free milk and 1/4 cup of heavy cream)
½ cup granulated sugar
½ cup canola oil (I used vegetable oil)
1 package (2 1/4 Teaspoons) active dry yeast
4 cups + ½ cup flour, divided
1½ teaspoons salt
½ teaspoon (scant) baking soda
½ teaspoon (heaping) baking powder
Cooking spray

FILLING
1½ cups (3 sticks) butter, softened
1 cup brown sugar
4 tablespoons ground cinnamon
raisins (optional)
nuts (I used crushed pecans for one batch)
long strand of unflavored waxed dental floss (NOT mint)

ICING
3 cups of powdered sugar
4 tablespoons butter, softened
8-10 teaspoons of milk
2 teaspoon of vanilla

Directions
Make ahead: Combine milk, 1/2 cup sugar and oil in a large pot over medium heat. Heat, stirring to dissolve sugar, until just before boiling. Remove from heat and set aside to cool for about an hour or until lukewarm (between 105° – 115°F; use a thermometer to check). Sprinkle the yeast into the warm milk mixture and allow to sit for a few minutes. Add 4 cups of flour and stir together until a sticky dough forms. Cover loosely with a kitchen towel and let rise somewhere warm for about an hour. In a small bowl, whisk together remaining ½ cup of flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Add to dough and combine thoroughly to form an elastic dough. Spray the inside of a large bowl with cooking spray. Put dough in the bowl, cover tightly, and store in the refrigerator overnight, or up to a day.

Assembly: Spray a 9-inch round cake pan with cooking spray. Generously flour a clean, dry surface. Place half the dough on the floured surface and using a rolling pin, roll out into a large rectangle. Gently spread ¾ cup of softened butter over the dough with a butter knife. Sprinkle 2 tablespoons of cinnamon and 1/2 cup of brown sugar over the buttered dough. Add any raisins, nuts or other fillings.

Starting on the longer side of the rectangle, roll dough in a tight spiral toward the other end and pinch the seam shut. Slide a strand of dental floss under the rolled dough 1-1½ inches from the end. Cross the ends of the floss over the top of the roll and pull in opposite directions, slicing off a section of dough. Repeat with the rest of the dough, placing buns in the prepared pan. You will have space between the buns.

Repeat with the second half of the dough. (If you only want to make one batch of buns, you can tightly wrap and freeze the other half at this point. In that case, use half the amount of the ingredients for the glaze.)

Set aside to rise for 30-45 minutes. Bake in 350°F oven for 15-18 minutes, or until lightly browned on top.

To make the glaze, combine powdered sugar, butter, 6 teaspoons of milk and vanilla in a small bowl. Continue adding milk one teaspoon at a time until you get a thick frosting. (It will thin when spread on the warm buns.)

It was great! The SO took it to work and everyone gobbled it up. This is definitely the go-to recipe for cinnamon rolls. And, I loved how she gave suggestions for freezing the batch. Some recipes don’t give you that options and just stuck with too many baked goods.

Relevations

It was my birthday last Monday. When a birthday comes around, it is a time of reflection. How has this year different from last year? Have I made any personal achievements? Have I bettered myself in any way. I think it is on the “no” side. I am where I was last year, financially, well, maybe worse because now I have car payments. The SO and I are better I suppose. We’re still together and that is more than I can say for most people I know. We love each other and every year, it just deepens.

For my birthday, we went to eat at Dragonfly. It was delicious, scrumptious, and all those synonyms for tasty. Then we went to see Avenue Q. It was great! I think the SO liked it a little but more than I did. It is basically Sesame Street for adults. We came home and had my favorite ice cream cake. At the restaurant, one the servers made me a birthday cake! It was a surprise and everyone came out and sang happy birthday. I have to confess, I got a little teary eyed. I felt special.

I did go to the Women’s Career Expo on Friday. It was tailored to older women, more like displaced homemakers. I did take advantage of the resume critique and mock interview. Hopefully, this will help me land that hard-to-find grown up job. I keep on trying to be optimistic, but it is difficult in these financial times.

Next week, I have four days off in a row. There is going to be a lot of baking. Sugar cookies are on the list. I don’t know what else I should make.

Blessing in disguise?

I haven’t worked the last 2 days. It’s been kind of rough. I don’t know what to do with my time. I’ve baked everyday that I had off. On Sunday, I baked these pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. They were a little too cakey for my taste. But, the SO and his kids at worked loved it. On Monday, I made brownies from the Hershey’s recipe. One word: DIVINE. On Tuesday, I made carrot cake. I’m not a fan of carrot cake, but the SO loved it. One thing from next time, remember to put more frosting between the layers! I was in this mode for putting the crumb layer on and totally forgot about putting on more frosting! Today, I wanted to make peanut brittle, but I don’t have enough peanuts. Maybe when I head over to the farmer’s market, I’ll stop and get some peanuts.
This not working a lot situation is really bring the morale down. I was getting better with the whole negativity thing. I was used to working about 30 hours a week and now I’m lucky if I get 25. Sad. I feel bad because the SO is basically fronting everything again. I just bake and hope that it makes up for the financial problems. I went running for the first time on Monday. It was kind of not fun. The regimen was: I run for 2 min and walk for 4 min repeat 5 times for a total of 30 min. I’m still hurting, but I’m gonna do it again today. I ran up and down the street. I didn’t wanna run a mile away and realize that I couldn’t run back. That would be embarrassing. The SO may run with me too. Next Friday, in Gainesville,they’re having a woman’s career fair. The SO said I should go and see what it’s like.
He’s amazing. He’s the most understanding and supportive person in the world. I contemplated finding a job ANYWHERE and doing the long distance thing. But, I find that a little too difficult right now because I don’t want to or have a reason to distance myself from him. I just hope that I can find a job in Gainesville and be a true equal partner with him.

TV all day

I had three days off in a row this week. On Sunday, I went to Plant City for Buddha. Ok, not really for Buddha, but for my mom who is a very strict Buddhist. At first, I was annoyed because I had to wake up early and then pray and meditate all day.
It got better when I came home. I sat down with a glass of Clean Slate Riesling and read up on Bon Appetit and Food and Wine. I got pretty drunk off that half glass. That was probably one of the best nights I’ve had in a long time.
On Monday, I watched a whole bunch of TV. I caught up on my favorite TV shows such as but not limiting it to Glee, Say Yes to the Dress, and Grey’s Anatomy. It was great! The SO came home and we had a quiet night that had us both finish up with reading.
Today, I watched Private Practice because it was on Netflix. I bought some fish for dinner tonight. Baked fish with a carrot recipe that I’m trying out of from F&W is what I’m thinking of making. I also bought a new GRE book to study from. I’ll start studying tomorrow. And, I finally gave up this online game I’ve been playing these past months: Evony. I feel like maybe, just maybe, I’m finally heading in the right direction.

Hi Hi

It’s been awhile. I always say that. I hope I never say it again and keep up with the blog. So, what’s new? I applied for the UPF internship again. Again, I did not get it. I took the GRE. I bombed it. At first, I was really upset. I was upset because I thought doing well on the GRE would show me the way, the way to a new life. Alas, I picked the wrong thing to show me the way again. I thought it would prove to myself that I can make it through grad school. The tears that I cried for the GRE did not represent the failing of it, but everything else that failed. The failing of the internship, the failing of being able to find another job, the failing of not have a good enough reason to get out of or stay in Gainesville. The tears that I cried were tears of failure. Failings of everything that I have tried or done.

I made apple pie. I burnt the crust.
Sorry, it’s not much of an update. I’ll try again another day.

Sorry for being melodramatic

That’s so not me.  I swear.  That last post didn’t make any sense, I apologize.  I haven’t felt so low in a very long time.  I thought about cutting myself…only for a split second.  I’m not putting myself there again.  It’s just that when the people I love and care about tell me things so straight and blunt, I can’t take it.  I feel ashamed and embarrassed.  I hate getting into trouble.  I hate when people lose respect in me.  I guess I don’t take negative criticism very well.

I know I say I want things to be different in my life, but I also I know I haven’t done anything about it.  Maybe it’s that time.  It’s one of those few times that Pandora comes in and makes me feel a little better.  I put it on and it automatically plays music that says how I feel and makes me feel better.

It makes me feel that whatever it is that I’m feeling…I’m not the only one.

Shutting Down

I’m on the verge of shutting down and giving up on life. The people who mean most to me want to help me or have tried helping me, but I’m not doing anything about it. I’m taking everything for granted, but I don’t know how to motivate myself to become better. I find myself angry and mad all the time now. I find little to nothing to get me out of this rut. I can try and try, but no to avail. I know this doesn’t make any kind of sense. But, I just can feel myself shutting down and I’m scared it’s going to become not caring anymore. I have officially become a waste of space. Way to go me.

Continuation of the worst day of the Month of March

So, after the post I wrote on Wednesday about not being smarter than a fifth grader, the day got progressively worst.  I went to work where later on I realized I had misplaced my ID and I came home with a raging a fever.  I am still suffering.

I find myself becoming more and more discouraged with what I have become.  Here I am very dependent on the SO.  I don’t want to go into details quite yet because I don’t believe I have come to terms with that fact.

I’m going to sum it up as: I’m so sick of life.

Not Smarter than a 5th Grader

It’s been awhile.  I’m sorry.  Life has a way of doing that to you.  Today, I took the Elementary Education Certification Test.  I failed.  I think I miserably failed.  That’s what I get for listening to people who are teachers telling you that it was easy.  Let me tell you, it was not.  At least I took a productive step in doing something about my life.  I can only hope that it will come into fruition. I am kind of embarrassed that I didn’t pass though.  I thought it would be common knowledge, but it was much more in depth than I thought.  I have to wait 31 days to retake it.  Hopefully, it won’t be so bad the second time around.

The SO hopes the restaurant he manages franchises to Orlando.  I hope so too.  I can’t wait to get out of Gainesville and into a bigger city.  And, maybe, just maybe I can finally get out of the restaurant biz.

I’m also sorry I haven’t been baking lately.  I’m trying to pay off my credit card, so I am sacrificing baking for a while.  =(